Some Cosmic Being is Laughing at Us Right Now
by equalsMCsquare
Summary: It's always interesting when everyone thinks they're controling the situation. But maybe forces greater than Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy and even Harry Potter are at play this time... Warning/Teaser: Threesome
1. She Muses

"I'd have a threesome with them," Ginny whispered.

I turned, startled. Not only was that ridiculously forward and uncharacteristic for the Gryffindor, but I was embarrassed to be caught staring at the pair.

At her words, heat shot from my upper abdomen to a pool near where I suspect my uterus is. Electrifying and almost painful in intensity, it made my head spin.

"Ginny," I hissed. "Keep those ridiculous sentiments in your head, where they belong. Better yet, out of there as well!"

She smirked at me. Sometimes I think the sorting hat knows nothing at all, and this particular Weasley belonged in Slytherin. That expression has no place sharing a common room, or a house table with me.

* * *

><p>But her words stuck with me. It was a thought that had never occurred to me. I had a crush on one of them, a fairly well known one I'd admit, but the other was only beginning to intrigue me. The attraction was strictly physical, I assure you.<p>

It's a strange thing. I had been thinking of them individually until now (which, now that I think about it, makes no sense whatsoever; obviously I couldn't have them both separately, one after the other. Imagine the ruckus that would cause in this gossip-starving student body.) But as a team…oh, there's that bolt of heat again.

But threesomes never happen in real life. They're an urban legend, or something that happens to celebrities or to those who hire prostitutes. What kind of situation would possibly call for a threesome between Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Draco Malfoy?

* * *

><p>It's not that I can't stop thinking about it. I obviously have much better things to do with my time. It's just that it keeps popping into my head when I'm not thinking of anything else, for even a second. Like, right before bed, or walking around the castle.<p>

I think the reason this threesome thing is so hot, is because Ginny's right. Not only are Harry and Malfoy supremely attractive and coveted males on their own, but the tension between them is _phenomenal_. It's obvious they'd build off of each other in bed, just the same as they do when they banter in real life. And really, turning those glares into pupil-dilated looks of lust is not much of a stretch.

Ugh, all of my subconscious energy is being wasted on making this happen.

* * *

><p>THIS IS SO UNREALISTIC, I WISH I COULD BURN THE MENTAL IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD AND FORGET ABOUT IT.<p>

Honestly, unless I _magic_ them into my bedchamber, there is no way in the universe this will ever happen.

* * *

><p>If I use magic as part of my ploy, it's not thoroughly unethical, is it?<p>

And learning contraception spells, lubrication spells, as well as a few "other" spells is not too forward. It's proactive. Why don't we learn these spells in classes? Seem useful and necessary to me.

* * *

><p>Leave it to McGonagall to give us less than 3 months warning before this Ball. Honestly, the way she delivered the news, like she had bitten into a Warhead (sorry, muggle candy) was enough to turn me off of it altogether. Actually, if it weren't for my little "plan" setting off firecrackers in my brain, I probably would have turned up my nose at the whole ordeal. But as it is, I have been swept up by the same ghastly girlishness that possesses my dorm-mates.<p>

Under threat of death, I suppose I might say that I'm kind of looking forward to the whole thing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: A review takes barely any effort. This is my first story. Please tell me how I can improve, or if I should go on, or just leave me a smile-y letting me know you've read it. xoxo**


	2. Inside Jokes

**Chapter 2: Draco**

"You. Wish."

I would have snapped back, but something threw me off. The throwback to second year's dueling fiasco left us both momentarily surprised and blinking. Finally, the world righted itself, and I thought of something to say.

"Recycling old comebacks, are we now Potter? I'm hurt. I thought you put more effort into our conversations than that."

He blinked a few more times at me. God, his impersonation of a goldfish was becoming less amusing by the second. The pause in our banter had reached the awkward stage.

"Sod off, Malfoy. Harry has no idea what you're talking about, or what imaginary conversations you've been having with him in your sick little fantasies. Isn't that right Harry?"

Weasley's sidekick act was enough to turn me off of my lunch. The only reason I didn't round on him was that I was curious about Potter's response as well.

"Well Potter? Do you or don't you remember the last time we had that conversation?"

And in his quiet Potter way, in a tone I've never heard directed towards me, he winded me as effectively as if he had landed a punch in my gut.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you did."


	3. Complexion

**Chapter 3: Harry**

"Harry. Harry!"

"Mmphmmpekl…"

"Mate, you've got to get up. _Seriously_. We have double potions with the Slytherin today, remember?"

"Snape hates me anyway, what's the point of even going? Really, I'd be doing him a favor by staying in bed," but I was already sitting up and stretching as I spoke.

Ron, who was used to my early morning attitude, just grinned at me.

"Actually, I think about half of us go just to watch you give Snape a bit of what he deserves. The bitter git would find a new target if you didn't show up. Probably Neville, or Hermione, and they'd never say anything back, so things would spiral into pitiful pretty fast."

Ok, so, when Ron decided to make a point, and Hermione wasn't around to snatch his words away, he could be quite eloquent. Frankly I'm starting to think that those two dating would just bring out the worst in both of them. They're hardly friendly anymore just because there's so much pressure on them from all sides to get together.

I glared at him, but it was half-hearted. I was a little flattered actually to be the class comedian or whatever. Better than the class celebrity.

I had the funny feeling that something had changed while I slept, but the more I tried to put my finger on it, the more it slipped away, and the less I cared. It's a strange feeling to dream about someone and have your waking perception of them totally changed because of the dream.

"C'mon, Ronald. Off to two hours of paling your complexion. Honestly, between your stress level around Snape and the lighting in the dungeons, you should consider borrowing Ginny's makeup if you want to find a date to the dance."

My Seeker reflexes came in handy when avoiding projectiles hurled by disgruntled roommates.

* * *

><p>"Oi, Malfoy, you could use some of Ginny's cosmetics as well. Maybe people would stop confusing you for a ghost."<p>

I usually pride myself on never Malfoy-baiting, but today, the irritating slob had his arms around both Pansy and some other Slytherin bint. And for some reason, this irritated me.

"Shut up, Potter. Can't you see I'm busy? Maybe if you showed the Weaslette some attention once in a while, she wouldn't need to wear all that makeup."

"And how could you possibly know how much attention Harry's been showing Ginny these days, Malfoy?" Hermione cut in.

Sporting an uncharacteristically messy bun, and wearing glasses that magnified her already large brown eyes, Hermione looked ready for some verbal sparring. Guess I wasn't the only one who woke up in a mood today. Something was seriously irking Hermione this morning.

But Malfoy wasn't paying attention. In a disgustingly flamboyant public display of affection, Malfoy was snogging the blonde girl, while Pansy suckled on the crook of his neck.

Ron and the rest of the Gryffindors groaned, but I couldn't help but notice that everyone kept at least one eye on the scene. I guess Hogwarts teens are all so sex starved, we're intrigued by even Malfoy. It was merely out of aesthetic curiosity that I kept watching.

Malfoy caught my eye, and for the first time, I was glad for the newly lax dress code. Because if not for his sinfully tight jeans, I would never have learned that Malfoy enjoyed my eyes on him as much as I did.


End file.
